Mother Hubbard's Cupboard

A look into the mind of one of the most random, crazy people in all the land.

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Location: East Peoria, Illinois, United States

A Lutheran seminarian eagerly awaiting the return of Our Lord. Soli Deo Gloria!

Sunday, November 06, 2005

Alright, it's my blog, so if you doin't like what I'm going to say here, STOP READING IT!

Aight. I'm kinda pissed now. Why? Well, let me tell you why. I know who my real friends are....and they aren't many. Take what follows not as a bitching about girls so much as a bitching about people just not fucking "getting it" when it comes to psychoanalyzing me like they've already got a fucking PhD.

1. I am depressed.
2. I am lonely.
3. I feel used.
4. I am used.
5. Rather than help and deal with the fact that I got problems, most people want me to stop caring or mask the feelings or just not make them feel uncomfortable with my problems.
6. "Can I still use you for INSERT BENEFIT HERE. Oh, you wanted reciprocation...sorry, I don't do that. I'm poor and can't pay you for the gas money for the constant rides (hey, I guess I can give blowjobs for free gas!), I don't hook people up with's wierd but of course you have hot guy friends so it's okay to be a fucking hypocrite right? I have the delusions I'm happy in my current situation and I don't want to think that maybe seeing what you can't have all the time is hurting you (hey, don' happy you have something. Just stop prying into my business if you don't like what you find)." Date friends? You might actually meet a guy who doesn't beat the shit out of you.....that'd be logical and of course nearly all the women I know have no fucking logic (Lauren, you're an exception to this rule, thanks for the kind words you always have for me that don't involve hiding my problem deeper or changing my personality).
7. "Hey, it's late and you want to go to bed because you have a test tomorrow at 9am......but I REALLY WANT something that's going to involve hours away from me, you aren't important. Oh, you helped? Well, I guess I could force myself to have a good time with you when you're free, but my one or two things next week are going to keep me in....oh, you have two exams next Monday and you want to go out?" Why? Cause I work my ass off all week so one or two nights out won't hurt anything....that's why.
8. "Why would you want reciprocation? Don't expect much from people....they aren't really your friends. You don't like being used, stop INSERT BENEFIT GIVEN HERE and become a douche like every other guy." Um, no? Besides...I'm mad now and it seems my "friends" can only sit by and tell me to forget it or not to piss them, you fucking care about me don't you, you worthless wastes of space. Here's an idea....if you don't like me making comments about your personal life and you aren't going to help me out at all, don't say shit about mine?.....CAPICHE?
9. "Oh, you want sex, that's why you're so mad about being single.
Yes, project your own need to get an orgasm every night on me. Look, if it were sex I was upset about not having I'd buy a hooker and feverishly masterbate every chance I got. I wouldn't concentrate on the same girl(s) like a nice guy would. Not everything is sex so get it out of your evolutionary philosophy/'re wrong....stop trying to justify bad ideas as science.
10. I did try to forget about it. I forgot about the problem for three fucking years in early college and it came back last year with a vengance. That's usually a sign not to be repressing those feelings. I also just recently forgot about it, but constantly seeing it everywhere I go and hearing all my friends complain about it or their relationship problems or asking me to play Dr. Phil DOESN'T HELP WITH THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Jesus Christ people, I'm not a PAR guy who lives at PAR or CRU and has no idea of what the fuck goes on in the outside world. I'm much happier making over generalizations about people who go out or people who get drunk....they all think drinking will make them happy right? Yeah, I'm so happy when I'm drunk aren't I? I live in the outside world and it is there.

So here's what I need from you. A friend will read what has been said above and think about ways they can help out with any of the points. People who use it will get mad and think I've insulted their precious sensibilities are not friends. They are what is referred to in evolutionary ecology as "cheaters." They care about nothing but themselves. Every person is a stepping stone to greatness or a person with whom to ease burdens to you. I hope your happy when you realize your life is fucking meaningless and you have no friends. many friends do I still have? How many people've "got my back?" As I told someone over AIM last night....when all is said and done, I'm alone with my problems. PERIOD. No one ever offers to help or they invent some shitty excuse why they can't. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Stop wasting oxygen if you think that there's a magical friend out there who helps out with this.....they aren't here at U of I with me, they're at another college, or they've graduated. They've also been my friends the longest and they know I'd die for them and they'd die for me. That's what a friend does. When I do nice things for people, when I pay for you and you can't afford it, when I help you out with relationships it isn't out of some selfish reason, it's cause I care about you. I don't befriend people who I don't care about anymore than I can forget girls who don't recognize affection as being directed towards them or whatever. I do it because I'm generous with my feelings. I do it because I'm generous with my wealth. I do it because damnit it's the right thing to do. If I ever become a douchebag, if I ever break down and do something that you all hate in'll be because you never bothered to help when you had the chance.

So....are we still friends? Or do you want me to help you again and then vent at me over the post? Time will tell.



Blogger Tony said...

Something to lighten the mood... maybe...

The Why Are You Single Test -

1:56 AM  
Anonymous M.F said...

Mr. Heren eh?

Keep you chin up



11:13 PM  

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