Porkchop Sandwiches!
I have a confession to make. Some reading this might think I'm crazy for being so stupid, others will sympathize with me and acknowledge that what I can't do they can't either. If you fall into either of these categories or a gradient in between, then this blog's for you.
I find women to be a mystery and thusly communication between myself and members of the fairer sex goes nowhere beyond friendship. Sure, I can flirt with women and I enjoy it greatly. The difference between men and women though is that women tend to be naturally flirty with anyone willing to play the game, but guys are different (or at least I am). I only flirt with girls I like (not necessarily attracted to, but like as a friend at least). I think however it would be obvious from the level of flirting that I would be attracted to someone more than as simply "just a friend." The flirting with someone you might be attracted to is stepped up a notch for guys. For example, there is a room with a guy and several girls, all of whom are friends with the guy. If the guy gives (not all I'd hope), but a lot of attention, especially flirty playing with one individual, chances are he REALLY likes her. Girls seem to behave differently. Individuals can have different levels of flirtiness when it comes to different guys and this leads to the massive headaches guys get with girls.
Come on! My grades in math and physics should show I'm not good at solving problems with many variables and complex situations! Guys who want to have compionship and a potential wife out of the whole dating scheme HATE to play games because they view the games as wasting valuable relationship time. Also, they usually have higher standards and try to go for a specific girl because of her quality.
My standards are (in descending order of importance):
1. Christian(this includes morals and faithfulness)-necessary
2. Intelligent-necessary (I need to feel I can talk to her for 5 minutes without shooting myself in the face!)
3. There needs to be a physical attraction between the individuals (I know I'm no prize winner but I'm just saying party A and B need to be in love with each other so this is important.)
4. Non-smoker (not necessary but for me it's a major turn-off)
5. Personality you can tollerate for extended periods of time (like 60 years if you're lucky).
6. Their smile needs to be able to melt you and you need to be able to become lost in their eyes....I know it sounds strange but looking into the face of someone smiling you care about leaves you lost for words (trust me it happens frequently).
7. What you do for a living should be interesting to your girlfriend (and vice-versa). If I tell a girl I study fossils it isn't that good if she says, that's boring. It also isn't good if my girlfriend tells me she studies Japanese flower arranging in the 18th century....I'd be asleep before she finished the sentence.
Seriously, you'd be surprised at how few girls out there actually match these criteria! As for the ones who do follow them, the real problem then becomes initiating conversations about dating with them. Really, I acknowledge that these are high standards but they leave the guy feeling lower than crap because there is usually a category or two that they realize they lack in themselves and as a result they think she will have the same standards and won't lower them for anything (would you?). This however leads to the "I should, I shouldn't" syndrome, especially in those of us who have been shot down repeatedly and in not too nice ways by women. It leaves us shy like the gerbil in the Simpsons who got shocked when he touched the electified brownie (beware the hand of man, or in this case the response of women). Such low relationship self-esteem is the result of experience rather than lack of effort. I can also understand for women how difficult it is to understand these guys. We appear excentric and shy at times, yet social and happy at others. Again, this is due to the presence of a girl (or girls for those of us with more than one crush) which leaves us at a loss for how to behave. If we want to attract their attention should we be all in their face so they notice us? What if they don't like us, will they not talk to us more after this and as a result hurt a friendship? Should we ask a friend of theirs if she mentions us in conversation? Should we try and spend time with her or avoid her and see if she tries to spend time with us? What if she's really old-fashioned and shy and doesn't want to initiate the conversation with us? What if she doesn't know what she wants in a guy yet and is too blind to notice anything you do?
You see where this is going I hope. Based on the behavioral patterns I've mentioned my type should be extremely easy to read if you look at their track record (this is to the women-of past behavior towards you or another girl). Because we've been disembowled so many times by our past failures we have no guts with which to ask out a girl because we realize how much it would suck to get turned down (we also readily acknowledge how much MORE it sucks if you can't be friends with them or you can't find out what might have been). For girls who are interested in these guys, they (or you) need to realize that it is the girl who must initiate the conversation about dating or else the chances of anything happening are next to zero. If both the guy and girl are like this, then friends of both need to realize this and come to their aid.
I understand that a turndown can be awkward (that's what has disembowled me the most), but I'd rather be friends with a girl and not alter my behavioral pattern towards them if they turn me down.....then I'd think we'd both lose.
I didn't hit all the points I necessarily wanted to but I'm tired after my exam and I need some rest. I hope this was slightly more coherent than my last post and hopefully it doesn't piss off as many people.....actually this should be enlightenting, not an attack of any form!
Chris
I find women to be a mystery and thusly communication between myself and members of the fairer sex goes nowhere beyond friendship. Sure, I can flirt with women and I enjoy it greatly. The difference between men and women though is that women tend to be naturally flirty with anyone willing to play the game, but guys are different (or at least I am). I only flirt with girls I like (not necessarily attracted to, but like as a friend at least). I think however it would be obvious from the level of flirting that I would be attracted to someone more than as simply "just a friend." The flirting with someone you might be attracted to is stepped up a notch for guys. For example, there is a room with a guy and several girls, all of whom are friends with the guy. If the guy gives (not all I'd hope), but a lot of attention, especially flirty playing with one individual, chances are he REALLY likes her. Girls seem to behave differently. Individuals can have different levels of flirtiness when it comes to different guys and this leads to the massive headaches guys get with girls.
Come on! My grades in math and physics should show I'm not good at solving problems with many variables and complex situations! Guys who want to have compionship and a potential wife out of the whole dating scheme HATE to play games because they view the games as wasting valuable relationship time. Also, they usually have higher standards and try to go for a specific girl because of her quality.
My standards are (in descending order of importance):
1. Christian(this includes morals and faithfulness)-necessary
2. Intelligent-necessary (I need to feel I can talk to her for 5 minutes without shooting myself in the face!)
3. There needs to be a physical attraction between the individuals (I know I'm no prize winner but I'm just saying party A and B need to be in love with each other so this is important.)
4. Non-smoker (not necessary but for me it's a major turn-off)
5. Personality you can tollerate for extended periods of time (like 60 years if you're lucky).
6. Their smile needs to be able to melt you and you need to be able to become lost in their eyes....I know it sounds strange but looking into the face of someone smiling you care about leaves you lost for words (trust me it happens frequently).
7. What you do for a living should be interesting to your girlfriend (and vice-versa). If I tell a girl I study fossils it isn't that good if she says, that's boring. It also isn't good if my girlfriend tells me she studies Japanese flower arranging in the 18th century....I'd be asleep before she finished the sentence.
Seriously, you'd be surprised at how few girls out there actually match these criteria! As for the ones who do follow them, the real problem then becomes initiating conversations about dating with them. Really, I acknowledge that these are high standards but they leave the guy feeling lower than crap because there is usually a category or two that they realize they lack in themselves and as a result they think she will have the same standards and won't lower them for anything (would you?). This however leads to the "I should, I shouldn't" syndrome, especially in those of us who have been shot down repeatedly and in not too nice ways by women. It leaves us shy like the gerbil in the Simpsons who got shocked when he touched the electified brownie (beware the hand of man, or in this case the response of women). Such low relationship self-esteem is the result of experience rather than lack of effort. I can also understand for women how difficult it is to understand these guys. We appear excentric and shy at times, yet social and happy at others. Again, this is due to the presence of a girl (or girls for those of us with more than one crush) which leaves us at a loss for how to behave. If we want to attract their attention should we be all in their face so they notice us? What if they don't like us, will they not talk to us more after this and as a result hurt a friendship? Should we ask a friend of theirs if she mentions us in conversation? Should we try and spend time with her or avoid her and see if she tries to spend time with us? What if she's really old-fashioned and shy and doesn't want to initiate the conversation with us? What if she doesn't know what she wants in a guy yet and is too blind to notice anything you do?
You see where this is going I hope. Based on the behavioral patterns I've mentioned my type should be extremely easy to read if you look at their track record (this is to the women-of past behavior towards you or another girl). Because we've been disembowled so many times by our past failures we have no guts with which to ask out a girl because we realize how much it would suck to get turned down (we also readily acknowledge how much MORE it sucks if you can't be friends with them or you can't find out what might have been). For girls who are interested in these guys, they (or you) need to realize that it is the girl who must initiate the conversation about dating or else the chances of anything happening are next to zero. If both the guy and girl are like this, then friends of both need to realize this and come to their aid.
I understand that a turndown can be awkward (that's what has disembowled me the most), but I'd rather be friends with a girl and not alter my behavioral pattern towards them if they turn me down.....then I'd think we'd both lose.
I didn't hit all the points I necessarily wanted to but I'm tired after my exam and I need some rest. I hope this was slightly more coherent than my last post and hopefully it doesn't piss off as many people.....actually this should be enlightenting, not an attack of any form!
Chris
posted by Chris | 2:55 PM
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