Mother Hubbard's Cupboard

A look into the mind of one of the most random, crazy people in all the land.

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Location: East Peoria, Illinois, United States

A Lutheran seminarian eagerly awaiting the return of Our Lord. Soli Deo Gloria!

Friday, October 13, 2006

What I've learned by watching "The Marine"

Today is dad's 55th birthday. We went for dinner at Katie's Cafe in Washington, IL.....and then went to a movie. The movie of choice (if you could call it that from what was available) was WWE's movie "The Marine." I learned many important things from that movie:

1. One marine is sent into an Al-Quaeda compound to rescue three marines....none are killed or injured, and much butt is kicked.
2. Real marines don't blink when bombs explode with fire right in front of their faces.
3. Real marines heal faster than Wolverine.
4. South Carolina state police cars can be shot to hell, have the tires blow out (and still drive just fine), and the top of the cab ripped off, but will blow up in a spectacular fireball ONLY when the marine is ready to leave the car and the gas tank is shot.
5. Buildings explode in gigantic explosions.
6. Buildings don't explode till the second someone jumps out a window or door.
7. Robert Patrick is still bad ass!
8. No explosion has shrapnel....just a ton of fire.
9. There are no unattractive women.....ever.
10. Highway patrolmen are very talkative and inquisitive.
11. There are alligators in the swamps of South Carolina.
12. Real marines can still run, swim, rip a bar out of a semi-truck, and carry their wives to the surface where they do CPR AFTER getting hit in the ribs with a sledgehammer.
13. There are psychos in every swamp.
14. Picking people up by the neck and dropping them through skids always does the trick.
15. A hostage is never shot no matter how much of a pain she is.
16. Killing your own men is preferrable to killing the loudmouthed, violent hostage.
17. Real marines need to stress that they're marines every few seconds.
18. A detective is the mastermind behind everything.
19. You can get cell phone service in the swamp.....can you hear me now?
20. Real marines can dive into the water after jumping 10 feet straight up.
21. Black men don't drive minivans.
22. Diamond thieves are idiots.
23. Real marines can track a group of diamond thieves through the swamp....and run full speed all day.
24. Real marines are allowed to chase the bad guys by the cops.
25. Video cameras exist in an office building....but apparently not a diamond store.
26. Music can be heard outside a cabin....fighting and smashing cannot be heard in the cabin.
27. The swamp is always shallow.
28. Diamond thieves always act real calm during robberies but always act skittish around the cops.
29. Real hot wives drink Diet Coke.
30. Being in an exploding gas station doesn't even knock a real marine out!


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