Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh

So I think I pissed Nicole off for saying that all guys and all girls are stupid and hence, everyone is stupid. Now of course that isn't true, it was a blanket statement made in the heat of passion....of course that doesn't excuse me saying it. I guess I'm just kinda upset that my friends are going through so many drama changes and the semester is getting to be over and well, I'm kinda scared you know? I mean, Bekah's graduating and won't be here (probably) next year, Alex is getting his PhD and going elsewhere, the paleo lab won't exist for paleontologists anymore, and let's face it, I'm turning 23 this summer and I'm still single. And it wouldn't be so bad if I were JUST single, but when I talked to Jason Sweat one night and I told him, "I haven't dated PERIOD," his eyes went wide and he just told me I need to get out more and that does suck.......OUCH! I have a strange feeling I'll be the guy who ends up living in his parents' basement working and being single (if my parents live that long :-() till I'm 46, then I'll be the crotchety old guy who makes all the little kids cry.

Oh well, I guess God has a plan for me and it isn't up for me to place terms on it......I just kinda hoped it would have at least some semblance of what I thought it would be. Instead all I'm getting is pain and suffering with a little paradise with friends. But I don't know, it seems even people who weren't worried about getting a relationship in our six man condo for Panama City Beach this Spring Break have significant others now (Jeremy-he was worried but I think he finally found good luck, and good for him, Bish, Jake, and Jason Marx), that leaves Jeff and myself. I don't know, I think I might be able to break this dreary dungeon that God saw fit to open my eyes to this year and it just seems to slam the door in my face and say parole isn't granted. I had literally no feelings towards anyone till this school year and I was happy with that cause I wasn't in a hurry necessarily for a wife, I thought I had plenty of time to figure that stuff out. But I got a wakeup call and it was from both my brain thinking about getting older since most of the people I hang around with are at least a year younger than me, and my feelings which suddenly went into overdrive like it was on vacation and just decided to make up for lost time.

Maybe I'll never figure out His plan till I die, and maybe that plan will never involve me having someone loving me back like I love them, but until I do find out I won't give up, but I won't put it first. I can't let my entire life be ruled by the thought of being alone, or else it will consume me. I've got to look past the head games girls play and the shady stuff guys do. I've just got to understand that God gives and God takes away, and perhaps I do have a soulmate out there.....I've just got to have patience.

Oh, one last thing. I got my senior thesis done finally and you can read it on my AIM profile......if you're into bondage and pain.......ow.

Are You In The Army?

Well it has been a while hasn't it? Sorry, but when you're working your butt off and going to bed after 6am most nights, it gets hard to write anything in blog format. As a result this blog will probably contain typos, innacuracies, and utter tripe. For those of you who've read my blogs before you probably noticed a lot of those in the past and you can just shut up :-P!

Aight, so what happened last week? Well, I actually went to some lectures.....and remembered why I stopped going period. I stayed up with Jason Sweat and played cards while talking about girls, God, and music (we were listening to a B.B. King/Eric Clapton blues CD that matched the mood perfectly). I then looked up information regarding the filioque (you know what that is don't you McG :-)) and found out that even in both the Eastern and Western church the clause isn't as cut and dry easy as it seems. The filioque clause is the statement in the Nicene Creed that says that the Holy Spirit proceeds from the Father and the Son (emphasis added). It is present in the western creeds but not the eastern. So many people are probably wondering, "big deal this seems to be a minor point." Actually historically it was a huge point. It was added to the western church in Toledo in ~ 567 and 579 (someone hit me if that's wrong) and it was done primarily politically to argue against Arianism which was so prevalent at the time in the west (Arianism is the belief that Jesus was just human). This clause was added without the Eastern church's approval and did not represent the majority theological view of the east (though some eastern fathers argued for filioque and some western fathers against). The Biblical evidence for filioque is just as confusing as the issue itself. Yes "all things proceed from the Father," but there are also points in the Epistles where it talks about the Spirit of the Son, and there are points when Jesus says he will send the Spirit and others where he says another will be sent when he leaves. Though at this point another obvious question is why the disciples needed the Holy Spirit at Pentecost when Jesus breathed on them and gave them the Holy Spirit. All in all it's an interesting debate and one that isn't as cut and dry as I was led to believe....even among us "credos" (thanks for the term Jason :-)). I was kind of surprised to learn that many Reform theologians (Calvinists primarily) do not use the creeds and they say they take all their theology from Scripture. This is good but without the creeds so much can be read into Scripture that isn't there at all and it allows the source of orthodox Christianity (not orthodox in the eastern sense, but just true Chrisianity) to be plainly written down. Some minor points like whether the Spirit proceeds from the Son or through the Son and the importance of understanding that both could be the same thing in reality don't change the fact that the majority of the creed is important for Christians to profess to. I doubt very much many secular and liberal theologians like Spong will profess Jesus was born of a virgin or physically rose from the dead.

But I digress. After the night with Sweat I went to Steak and Shake with Tom, Julia, and Tony. Tom and Julia were celebrating their year anniversary and they wanted to stay awake and have some fun so we all figured food would work. The next night there were some other issues here I'd rather not talk about for a variety of reasons so just know I was upset and angry and couldn't sleep. Regine and I did laundry till 6am. Then of course last night I went to Fiesta for Nicole (who was excellent by the way) and got to hear a lot of positive rhetoric about Che Gueverra, communism, and the wonderful religions of the Incas, Mayans, etc. Now I'm not at all bashing the Latino/Hispanic culture, but seriously....Che? They could have come up with a better and less violent mascot than that, especially since his party took over in Cuba anyway and wow, the people are still poor and suffering (and just look at China if you think our embargo has a lot to do with it.....it doesn't). The music and dancing were good and while the girls were hot (thanks for the heads up Nicole :-)), some of the costumes bordered on trashy. The spoken word by the poet was overall good and the movie regarding the work done by people in the community for underprivileged kids was also good, though the school official (I guess that's what she was?) had a skewed view of reality that involved destruction of both sexes based upon general natural behaviors of the two. She also said that both the parents worked and that some worked multiple shifts......and I ask, who's parents both don't work? Not many who aren't upper class or upper middle. I'm upper middle and both of my parents worked....heck, my mom retired from teaching and is still working as a substitute (though the state doesn't pay dick to teachers because they obviously aren't important) and my dad's worked at the same job as an engineer for twenty five years and has been passed up for promotions so many times even though he works more hours than many people there and doesn't get overtime for it because he works on a money/month basis, not money/hour. Since I've been alive we've moved from lower middle to upper middle class and it hasn't been without work and blood and sweat. We're white but believe me, nothing's handed to us and knowing my family's luck I'm surprised we've gotten to where we are by shear work alone. If you really want to know how little has been given to us, let me tell you a story:
My grandfather on my dad's side fought in World War II and was involved in several beach landings in the European Theatre. He got to see Pompeii erupt and saw many wonderful cities being destroyed because Hitler's Nazi thugs had little care for such things. He came back and worked as a trucker for Nelson Corp. My grandfather on my mom's side worked as a coal miner in Morton and ended up dieing of several things, not least of which was black lung issues. My mom's family wasn't too bad but they weren't independently wealthy. My grandfather was able to set aside thousands for education for his kids and grandkids only because he could work the stock market like a pro, even during depressions. My dad was the first person in our family (aside from one M.D. who I don't even know) who went to college and got a bachelors (he ended up getting a masters as well, both in architecture from U of I and only because the arcitecture group was anal he couldn't get his other major in psychology which he still filled all the requirements for) and my mom was the first person in her family to get a bachelors in Earth Science education after transferring out of languages (she liked Spanish and Russian). If I get my PhD I'd be the first Heren to get one, yet I now wonder with my mom's health if I'd be able to finish it. I found out that mom developed a heart arithmia and while taking medication for it she had a seizure because the medication interfered with her Tegratol (she's epileptic). She's now on a new medication and the decision to give her a pacemaker was not done. Now however, she's got an intestinal disease (though it is curable) and I don't know how much longer she's got....and then there's dad. Both of my parents are really close with each other and if mom goes, I know dad won't be far behind. I'm really hoping for the best here, but again I need to point out my family's lousy luck and I don't see any real reason why that luck should change. Maybe that's the reason I've been so hooked up on finding a girlfriend. I know I'm getting older and my parents won't be here forever (in fact since they had me so late they will probably go 10 years before many other parents), I have no siblings and many of my other relatives are very old. I realize I'm an adult now and that I'm worried about being alone. I know I've got friends but I'm not always near them and occasionally I lose touch with some of them. I know I've got the cats but even then they won't last forever. God Spookie's 10 and he's my blanket at home, at least Sugar's only like, 5.

Well, I need to get to the natural history building.......it's been not fun here and there and such even thoug I enjoy what I do.

Later.