Mother Hubbard's Cupboard

A look into the mind of one of the most random, crazy people in all the land.

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Location: East Peoria, Illinois, United States

A Lutheran seminarian eagerly awaiting the return of Our Lord. Soli Deo Gloria!

Thursday, March 31, 2005

Nice Catch Blanco Nino, But To Bad Your Ass Got Saaaaaaacked..........Ahahargh

Well, I'm irritable (same reason from Tuesday with some other minor things thrown into the mix). I'm on the mend though, not as mad and really I just needed time to be mad. As one get's over being mad they start to experience a few other is depression and sadness over being so mad at something that you shouldn't. If the real person wronged doesn't care about it at all, then neither should you unless it's really destructive towards said person.

A quick word of warning....this post will be long and you'll have to pay attention, but you'll get a LOT out of it I hope. You'll get a look at more of what I think about dating and about what girls want in dating and also see both why dating and just friends in general are important to me and why they should be important to you as well. First of all, I'd like to say that even though I'll try to be comprehensive, I'm not a master of communication of the female of the species....I think I'd be very happy and successful with that special someone if I were. In other words, comments are more than welcome (at least it let's me know you read or care about my thoughts at all).

For starters, let's look at the Nice Guy vs. Jerk dating situation. I know many girls and guys out there are very content and happy and that's nice...HOWEVER, for those many of us who are still single, this is still important. I'll admit, when I was more naieve in high school I thought that the system would change and one day girls would wake up and think, "I know what I want now! I want someone who cares for me as a person...not as a sex object. I want a guy who fights when he has to for me but not because he sees me as his but he sees himself as mine. I want a guy who I can trust who will be able to bear his feelings to me and not feel immasculated as a result." But then I went to college and grew up and realized most girls just don't (grow up). Most girls still don't know what they want or they treat life and dating as a game where they think they can take on a project and change a jerk to a desired guy type. What these "silly girls" don't realize is that; 1. You need to have your priorities about relationships straight and realize that you're getting older. 2. You might end up with a guy who's a jerk and end up getting married to a guy who treats you like shit. Perhaps this is a reason why divorce rates are increasing.....girls are not instructed by anyone that they should settle down until they reach ~ 25-30 (and realize they made a booboo), they're instead told that sexual fulfillment of yourself is the ultimate goal. [WARNING: POLITICAL STUFF FOLLOWS] Most liberals seem to decry the idea to increase funding for abstinence to be taught more in sexual education classes for high school....WHY!? To teach safe sex with few partners isn't bad but it seems to show kids that as long as your safe when your sexually fulfilled it's fine....regardless of the relationship issues and turmoil that usually result (I've been told by more than one friend in high school that having sex killed their relationship). These kids are not ready but they aren't taught how to grow up and mature in any manner more than sexually. As a result, girls get most of their social influences from friends who get it from the media which tells them that what they learn about sexual fulfillment is good and that in order to get it they need to behave a certain way or act a certain way to guys. Guys on the converse side are told to not only look macho but to act like it in ways that are decidedly unmacho. Girls are shown as sex objects and the guys are shown as the auctioners who want a peice of ass for a living blow up doll rather than a relationship with a living breathing person who is someone's child (and hence pride and joy). And finally, 3. when you reach college age girls don't realize that the assholes (jerks) have been working for years and so have a lot of experience with using girls.....who still apparently want "projects" involving psychological change of the guy....WE'RE TOO PIGHEADED TO CHANGE LIKE THAT!

There was once a nice guy scale (written by a mid 20s woman I might add) that appeared in the Peoria Journal Star one week, and I loved it! She perfectly described the situation faced by nice guys, jerks, and people in between. On a scale from 1 to 10 (and being cynical and sarcastic as hell), she would say things like, "Nice guy level 10: Goes to church, is nice to his mom, will think the world of you, may not be physically gorgeous, usually intelligent....AVOID AT ALL COSTS." Now I know girls don't wake up in the morning and think to themselves "I'm going to date the disciple of Snoop Dogg," but damnit they end up doing it! Why? Maybe because they don't know what they want (hey, enough girls have told me this is true so I've got evidence for it) and so are led more by their feelings and biological chemical signals than by their logic or moral compass. The men on the other hand are usually predictable, and here are some guidelines (yes there are exceptions to everything) for you. Now I know some people might seem like nice guys till you date them and then they turn into jerks, but that's why you date them, then break up with them don't screw 'em the first night out. The jerk is usually very physically attractive, athletic, seems intelligent and insightful at first glance, and very sociable with women. However, here's what you get when you date him (after all, he was nice to hook you, cause rather than being another fish in the sea he wants to get to know better to live his life with, you're the fish he hooks...i.e. the meat); you get a cheapskate who suggests dutch treat on everything....even romantic OBVIOUS DATES (if you guys are just "going out" not even dating seriously than dutch is expected unless the guy offers to pay...otherwise the girl might get a wrong impression so the guy should offer and if he's told no he should respect that choice from the girl), you get an overly physical guy who might want to go farther than you want to faster than you want to, you get a guy who constantly checks other girls out, you get a guy who wears enough cologne to make Oscar the Grouch smell good, you get a guy who cheats on everything and does well enough to just skate on by, you get a guy who's so self-centered that he'll never alter his plans or cancel on his friends for you (as the girlfriend you'd still be expected to reciprocate this behavior.....sometimes cancel a date with your friends to go out with your boyfriend), and finally, you'll get a guy who will never let you go out with friends to dance or drink with your friends...EVER, unless he's with you....cause after all, he doesn't trust you and your his.

So you might be wondering why don't girls date the nice guy? Well, here are a few explanations (since many of the reasons seem to be misunderstandings) besides the obvious they don't know what they want. Commonly heard reasons (from websites for dating advice for women): 1. Fantasy: The nice guy won't fight for me. Reality: The nice guy is the only one who fights for YOU, the jerk fights for himself and his own gratifications (usually sexual). Remember, the jerk usually gets what he wants so he's become spoiled and self-centered. Also, just because a guy is nice doesn't mean he won't fight for you. I'll fight for any girl (even if I don't even know them) if for example, their boyfriend slaps them in a bar...I don't care how big he is or how many guys he's got with him, NO ONE DOES THAT AND GET'S AWAY WITH IT. I'm a big believer in the actual ideals of chivalry (Chivalry only degraded women when jerks took advantage of it and perverted it....the real ideals of chivalry elevated women above men making men servers of women...sometimes even causing men to die for the woman they represented (if a queen for example)) and that means I might have to fight for a woman. As the nice guy, I simply won't LOOK for a fight and I won't fight for myself. 2. Fantasy: The nice guy is only interested in being a friend, he can't be romantic. Reality: Wrong, the nice guy who many women complain to about their boyfriends usually would be honored to be your boyfriend, but the problem is you view them as "just a friend (also the ultimate bad wordage to shoot a guy down with)" First of all you should hardly ever have to complain about your boyfriend, and secondly, you should be complaining and telling your problems TO your boyfriend. 3. Fantasy: The nice guys aren't usually very physically attractive while the jerk is usually a hottie....I'm young, let me party. Reality: Well, the first part is true sadly :-(, but you're not that young from a relationship scheme of things...unless you want to have kids when your mom had me when she was 40, but my dad was only 30 and guess what, she was married before to an asshole who she divorced. Also, you only have your looks for so long (unless you've got really good genes and money for plastic surgery) and then what? You're married to an old crotchety douchebag (unless you divorce him). Why do you think the thing I'm attracted to the most in a girl I want to have a relationship with are eyes and other things that usually only get more beautiful with age (I'm not going to pretend to be the ultimate man and say I'm not attracted to other things that most guys are....I'm just trying to say that while these hold a special place in the relationship, to only look for those aspects means you want a sexually based relationship....there needs to be more than T&A in the girl) such as their personality? 4. Fantasy: The nice guy is too good for me. Reality: Only the girl knows if she's being truthful in this reason, but if the girl is really a good, nice girl and says this, she's still dead wrong. As a nice girl she's earned every right to a nice guy and she's welcome to take it. The "bitch" on the other hand will say this and not really mean it. What she means is that there is a (usually) physical failing and since they want the relationship to just be about sex they won't want him.....Nice guys don't want sex, they want a romantic relationship (quality not quantity). 5. Fantasy: The nice guy isn't a challenge. Reality: Why do you want a challenge? Is this a biological/hormonal mother's instinct that kicks in at this age? Once again realize the chances of a guy changing are astronomical so you're better off not wasting your life and emotions on the slime. If your reason is that you don't want to be too dependent on the guy, don't solve it by going to Mr. Moron, find some other way or have the good boyfriend help you somehow....but also realize that the guy is there FOR YOU....he expects you to be dependent because his job is to take care of you if you so desire.

Why am I talking about this again? Why do I constantly bring up crap like this? Because this is one area I'm missing.....and it's also the second most important area! What's most important in life? It isn't the PS2 or the N64, the ride or the crib, the money or the books, it's the relationships that we need to cherish. You can own everything and still be empty inside if you don't have interpersonal communication. Some of the happiest and fullfilled people you meet will be poorer people who have families and friends....and some of the saddest and most unfulfilled people you'll meet are ones who have sexual fulfillment and party a lot (i.e. have much). And after the relationship with God/Christ the most imporatant relationship is between a man and a woman in marriage. The connection between the two is more than physical and it transcends pure friendship (they are your "best friend"). They depend on each other in sickness and health, for richer and for poorer (not in tight jeans and shirts showing muscular seams, with bling and with beer) know, marriage vows. After marriage come friends and family. The people who you don't have a physical relationship with but who you can share your soul with are also very important to true fulfillment.

Perhaps the whole message of this is that material goods and sexual fullfillment aren't important, but they drive so many messages home that aren't right! This blog's title may have been taken from the voiced over G.I. Joe PSAs, but it actually means something here. I catch someone's emotions and feelings, gripes and complaints, and then I get overloaded with them that I want to pass them off, but lo and behold, the most important physical personality (girlfriend isn't there) and so I'm taken down and buried. Then a jerk comes along who's larger than I am (he's got more problems than I do emotionally, but he appears strong and confident) and then says the title and then hits me with his. I guess I was so mad and upset at others and then I realized that I was upset cause I always hear other people's problems but hardly ever let others know my problems (primarily because I don't think they would be interested or care). I invest so much in others with no payback that I'm bankrupt emotionally and so the logical thing would be to break friendship with people who don't repay this emotional exchange....but for once logic might be wrong in this regard....the right thing to do is to help out others who need help even though they may not give you anything (Jesus said give a man in need more than he asks and not ask or expect anything in return). As I told a friend last night....being the nice guy is the right thing to do, but no one ever said it was going to be easy.

Well, I know this has been long and I thank you from the depths of my soul if you finished it....have a good weekend and God bless.

Not so crapfullythis time

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

What's It Been, 13 Years.....14. My Lord, It's Like I'm Looking In A Mirror.

Right when you think you can start talking about something interesting or cool.....shit hits the fan and the bitching begins. After all, I originally wanted to get this blogposting thing so I could let off some steam and have other people (preferrably ones I talk about) read it. I'm awful at vocal communication with people and am even less inclined towards speech for large groups (so I want to be a teacher/professor and eventually a pastor....go friggin figure). So what's happened in the last three days since Easter?

Monday was Brian Bish's 21st birthday so after our CRU meeting (yes, I'm going back now) we headed to Joe's (shudder) where there was no cover and Coke was free (.....yes I still had beer...but not much since I still had homework to do when I got home). I had the privelage of buying him his first legal beer (Sam Adams Boston Lager) and eventually an Irish Car Bomb. There were a lot of mutual friends there so it was an awesome night! Then the next night came.....Libby's 21st birthday party was actually great for a while (for me....she had a great time and that's the most important thing since you only turn 21 once), but then things started turning sour when Rob drank four beers and got drunk off his ass (how I have no F*&%ing clue) and so as a result of that and Griffin's good advice for me to wait with the group so my BAC went down....and Roenan's macking.....the job of taking care of Rob went to yours truly (why do I end up taking care of drunks????? I've only needed attention once and I was at a friends room already!). The whole night started with a Spades game where Bish and I (who apparently have different playing styles) teamed up against Tom and Melnikoff. We were down in negative numbers when Bish had to leave and then Griffin came in and (yes with obvious table talk = cheating) we came back. Anyway....I remembered that Libby's email said the party started @ 9:30 or 10 at Murphy's and I don't like being late to anything....especially a birthday party. I roll outta here @ ~9:45 thinking people will be there and no, they aren't. So I wait around for a while and as 10 rolls around I start thinking....CRAP, they may have moved on somewhere else and I don't have her number to call and find out! So I call Bekah and see if she wants to come out (she's been having a bitch of a week), so she says yes and brings her other roommate and they come after Libby and company get to the bar. I start the drinking in full force since I figure I'll drink some and sober up. So while we're at Murphy's I have 7 pints of Coors Light (tripple shudder-hey, they were only $1 a piece) and I buy Libby a Buttery Nipple....which someone else got for her.....and they didn't have Liquid Cocaine so I couldn't be original.....but no problem. So I'm lightly buzzing at this point, and Griffin, Bekah, one of the Lauras from Libby's group, and a guy from their group, plus me decide to go downstairs and play some pool. We win, but I figure I was there for Libby's party and pool was downstairs so I forfeited my space to go back upstairs and hang out. At this point I figure......maybe we can have some fun, so I ask the bartender for a shot glass with water and something that made it look like it could have alcohol in he put in just Coke. I then give it to her and she doesn't want to have any more drinks (I'm at fault here.....she was willing to trust that it was alcohol and she really didn't want to drink her reaction was understandable) she finally drinks it AFTER I tell her what's in it....and then for some really screwed up reason they wonder what ELSE is in it....IF I GIVE HER A GLASS WITH LIQUID AND YOU ASK WHAT ALCOLHOL IT IS, WHY DOES EVERYONE NOT TRUST THAT IT HAD NO ALCOHOL AFTER I TELL THEM! Sorry, for the yelling but the logic of the situation escaped me. So at this point Rob's deffinately tipsy/sloshed but he's primarily sitting in one place so that was fine. I vowed to not follow the group to Brothers when Priscilla got there because I hated that bar. I find out Bekah and her roommate ducked out and then Griffin said I should stay with the group and let my BAC go down and that was probably a good LOGICAL just got effected badly.

So we go to Brother's and I'm keeping an eye on Rob....who almost clocks several people in Brother's dancing. I'm trying to talk to Priscilla and Roenan but Rob is making this extremely difficult. After like, 5 minutes we go to Joes.... and left immediately for some reason unknown to me, then Legends....and this is where the night starts to royally blow for me. We get to Legend's I gotta pee (I ended up breaking the seal before anyone even got to Murphy's....and Libby's whole innocence about what the term was was funny as hell :-)) so I go and then come back and the only stool available is next to the red headed Laura who is talking to Roenan. Now I know they are talking a lot (GO ROENAN!) but this left me without anyone to talk to. I got several waters, gave Rob one and told him to drink it (he was being obstinate with me at this point....he's kind of a silly/mean drunk). So I sit and watch a game of tennis between Venus and Serena Williams on the screen (I thought one of them died?). By the way, I f*cking hate tennis. So we leave from there and we all head over to IHOP. When we get there, Roenan and Laura are already in IHOP and people are talking like Burger King is the actual I run in and get them and the group changes their mind....after Rob has left the group without anyone really caring and gone to Burger King. So I wrangle his ass outta there, grab a crown for Libby because she appreciates little things like that (awww) and went to IHOP. Now our waiter looked like Harry Potter, but was really a douchebag. He separates us out not with one booth behind another so all I would have had to do to talk to people was turn around...he puts Rob and I in a booth across the aisle so hearing people is impossible and so is talking (this is two F*CKING places we went to where I was effectively isolated from the group and babysitting Rob...THAT'S WHY I WAS PISSED GUYS!....not like anyone of you actually reads this anyway). So I order my food and it takes FOREVER! By this time the other booth is joking with the waiter (or being serious cause it's hard to hear) about getting their food free since it was Libby's birthday or having them sing Happy Birthday and the guy was real obstinate and was like..."we don't do that here"....yeah right and my testicles haven't dropped yet either. After all is said and done we leave...and I give Sterisol (yeah I looked up the name of a douche product) a $0.17 tip for being an absolute ass clown (comeon, it's her freakin 21st birthday and your manager gave her ice cream while you gave excuses and didn't listen to us when we asked for your services and you didn't check on I'm about as charitable as Stalin at this point). I drive people home, I get a ride from the parking lot to PAR, I say bye to Roenan and Libby, write a pissed off away message, do some stats and go to bed. Look, on birthdays the only person who has any excuse to get drunk and have people take care of them is the birthday individual...when someone else gets drunk someone has to take care of them and it diminishes the night.

THIS MORNING, I wake up, finish the stats, and ask Mike and Tony if they want to go to lunch....and they say yes until they fall back asleep twice, whereupon they cancel. Had we been on time for lunch I would have been able to sit with Bish.....but NOOOOO. So all-in-all I'm mad at pretty much everyone (save Libby, Bish, Priscilla, and Bekah-yay trooper) and right now I need time to just stew in this pile of puke. The only plus side to the last two days is that Libby had a good birthday and I got to use WIMPE for an hour (way to take two years Rip......oh, you're still not done with stuff?....can we say ripoff to the state?).

Sunday, March 27, 2005

If I Had Been In That Water.....Dead!

Pastor: He is risen
Congregation: He is risen indeed......ALLELUIA

I'm back from Panama City Beach, Florida and what a trip it has been. What did I do? I spent time on a beach and in a resort both having fun, relaxing, and sharing the Good News of Christ. Since today is Easter I feel it somewhat necessary to hold off on writing blogs about girls and try to write one on theology and why Easter is so important to the Christian. The title of the post actually has something to do with what I'm talking about.

Think about it will you? The Sacraments of Holy Communion and Holy Baptism convey visible elements and divine action as two of the three Means of Grace (the other being the Holy Scriptures). In Holy Baptism the individual (perferrably infant ["let the little children come unto me - Matthew 10:13-16....remember, Holy Baptism is not a work of man, but a gift and work of God. Also, Holy Baptism is done to whole families - Acts 2:37-39- just as circumcision was done on children within seven days old in the Old Testament to bind them to the covenant of God's chosen people....a blessing] or as soon as possible for a new Christian) is baptized ("washed") with water and the Word of God. This signifies burial and in it God gives the individual forgiveness of sins and binds the benefits won by Christ. But many churches or individuals in different sects of Christianity usually get things wrong when discussing Holy Baptism. It is both a commandment and a gift of God. If one does not get baptized by water this does not mean they do not have salvation or forgiveness of sins, but it is a commandment of Christ and only God can know the individual's true stance towards His Word.

But putting the final acts of Jesus's earthly life into perspective with both of these Sacraments, several things are critically obvious. The Word of God provides the setting and central promises of God, namely that Christ is the main point of the Bible and that His sacrifice is what forgives us our sins through the gift of faith through Divine Grace. Through Holy Communion I profess Jesus's death (1 Cor. 11:23-29) and partake in eating the true Body and Blood of Christ in and with the bread and wine. Through Holy Baptism, I am brought to new life in Him and the water symbolizes the burial and resurrection of Christ (Romans 6:1-4). Therefore Maundy Thursday/Good Friday are more in line with Holy Communion and Easter is in line with Holy Baptism.

A quick note: I believe that faith is a gift of God through Divine Grace. I believe that all mankind is equally without any spiritual gifts and as a result is dead to sin. I believe that conversion occurs through an individual hearing the Law and being convicted of eternal punishment. Upon hearing of said punishment the individual hears the Gospel message of salvation and through the power of the Holy Spirit faith is imparted to the individual. However, I do not believe in double predestination or the limited grace (limited atonement) of Calvinists, nor do I believe in the power of man to choose with the Spirit salvation (Arminianism) as both are in contradiction of Scripture. God desires ALL mankind to be saved (John 3:16....for those stubborn Calvinists I would say that nowhere else in the entire Bible is WORLD referring to saints in reffers to the sinful world). God choosing people to be saved and others to be condemned while showing his justice and sovereignty calls into question his love...which is equal to his justice and sovereignty (downplaying one for the other only creates new theological problems). I believe that God has elected those who will be saved...but election contains His divine plan for believers. Witnessing for example is God's plan for a Christian, but he specifically chose Saint Paul for the writing of many of the Epistles.....also, many complaints about God's non-partisanship on the part of those elected to salvation ignore that God is outside of time, and for Him all earthly time is instantaneous and without passage. In other words the elect were, are, and ever shall be the elect because He knows the outcome of the Spirit on people already. I also believe that a true Christian can lose his/her salvation (apostasy) as many passages suggest and PLAINLY say (1 Cor. 10:12-13 -->realize that God gives people an out for being tested and yet some do not take it.....perhaps this might change our understanding of the true nature of election. The most plain passage is in Saint Paul's Epistle to the Hebrews (chapter 6) which definately describe the falling away of a TRUE saved Christian.

I believe that many things about Christianity are paradoxical and contradictory to human reason....not simply predestination/free will, but many things such as the nature of the Trinity, the complete divinity and humanity of Jesus Christ, etc. We still believe them however! But getting back to my initial comment about the title....think about it again! In Holy Baptism we are buried with Christ (in the water = dead), but we are brought back to life through the action of Christ's resurrection. It's quite amazing really! I do not mean to offend those Catholics who do not believe what I believe or those Protestants/Evangelicals who believe I go too far in my interpretation of what I think to be the plain teachings of Holy Scripture. What matters of course of all Christians is that in Christ we are saved, not by our actions, but by what Christ has done. He held perfectly the moral code of God given to Moses as well as being saved from the blemish of Original Sin due to the overshadowing of "the Most High" over Mary's Original Sin (Sorry Catholics....I don't believe in the Imacculate Conception) and her impregnation by the Holy Spirit (Luke 1:26-38....Magnificat included in citation for those who like it :-)).

Well, I better be off....this post has taken a good long while and I think I probably began so many points I never finished or could go into in more detail. Till next time, Happy Easter and God be with you!

Friday, March 18, 2005

I'm Glad You Guys....Skipped the Class Today.

Not only did I skip my Bio lecture, but I'm heading to Panama City Beach with Campus Crusade for Spring Break....I'm still not too sure I'm stoked for this. In reality, I kinda miss my parents and I have a lot of work, no scratch that, and INSANE amount of work to accomplish. Hopefully we have a way to get online there....and I can update my blog from there!

I have to be down there in 20 minutes so this is going to have to be fast. I got Bekah a stud finder for her birthday and I know she knows how to use it ;-). I'm kinda cranky but for no real reason....meh. I probably snapped at a few people I shouldn'tve when I volunteered to do stuff for the root beer kegger. Sorry guys :-(. I'm just really in a massive funk and I don't know what I'm gonna do about it.....I'm so screwed in so many areas right now I think I'll have a cat just thinking about it.

For the ladies out there in out! For the ladies here in Illinois......celebrate! I'm leaving and there's one week to enjoy without me :-P. Nah, I don't think I'm that bad....but I won't go crazy in Florida "Guys Gone Wild" for me. Have a good Spring Break everyone, and remember to feed the goats.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Let's F*ckin' Old School!

Man, I haven't been updating this thing regularly....I feel like a jackdonk in Tagge's words. Well I sucked butt on my stats exam....but then I figure I fell asleep so it wasn't that bad. I got 4 points above the average on my stucture and function class (plant section)....sooooo right now I feel pretty good about my grades. I'm still feeling down in the female department but hey, there's always be depressed :-(.

In other news, I'm skipping a departmental meeting today about the new changes in the department of geology....which will be pretty much non-existent as of next year or so when we combine with the departments of geography and atmospheric sciences to give incoming freshmen the "School of Integrated Earth Studies and Other Random Impressive Bullshit Words to Make us Look Good." Wow, I don't think a one of these departments is in the top anything for undergrad or grad schools (geology MAY be in top 10 grad programs for hydrogeology). But yeah, Marshak'll retire in a few years, Dan will be completely retired after this do we have any real geologists (maybe Lundstrom)? No, it'll be a department of chemists and physicists who won't really know anything about other aspects of geology. I study fossils but at least I know something about volcanoes, structure, and mineralogy. I dont' think I'll be giving anything to this department when I become an alumnus. It's never really treated me well, nor do I feel least among some of the people.

In still other news I'm heading to Panama City Beach, Florida for Spring Break with Campus Crusade for Christ. We'll do contact evangelism :-( and semi-party :-). Sorry, I know God is the one who works when contact evangelism is done, but still I find it to be a way God may not want us to do. We should be strengthening our relationships with others so that evangelism is more effective than simply saying, "hey, you wanna learn about God?" or "Hey, you wanna fill out a quick survey (i.e. shadiness)." I am looking forward to it, but other things still bother me.

Am I going to get into a good grad school? Will I end up working with my desired group of animals (Lepidosaurs-the extinct marine ones) or will I end up still working with mammals (which is still fine)? How will I pay for my living conditions? Will I ever get married to a good woman? When will I end up going into seminary? Will I ever stop asking questions of this type in the blog?

On a brighter note....Bekah's birthday is tomorrow (as is St. Patrick's Day) and I got her one of the best gifts....but she'll have to wait for tomorrow to find out what it is.

And about women in is a rhetorical question. Given: You know you can make guys jump through hoops (well, most of them). Why? What can you do? I don't get it at all!!!! Oh well, till tomorrow.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

I Wanna Get In The Fridge Too!

I haven't posted in a while primarily due to the extensive anal week I've been having. No, not anal as in porn but anal as in how strict I've had to be on myself this week. What with a physics final (I passed 213 with a D and damn am I happy), a genetics exam (I think I schooled it), a stats exam (I don't know how I did yet), two bio labs that required the most in depth work yet, and two new (and most interesting) topics for my bio lectures meant I had to go to them. I missed the first quantum physics lecture because I just had to sleep after I came home from the thermo final and did an all-nighter to prepare for genetics the following morning. Right now I'm utterly exhausted and still have a physics discussion tonight and HOPEFULLY I'll have enough energy to work out afterwards considering I haven't done it in like a week.

But enough complaining and bragging about how busy I am.....why do people do that anyway? What's next? Ah, drama. I haven't had much this last week since I've been going through hell. I considered myself lucky if I saw or talked to girls at all this week. But let's see......girls I saw (besides teachers and TAs), were primarily RAs and sadly I can't even remember most of the potential conversations I've had with them. I know I've said hi to Libby and briefly exchanged IMs with her.....I talked to Nicole on the phone once, IM the night she did an all-nighter, and in person when the fire alarm was going off in Saunders......I saw Regine, Annika, Shannon, and Nicole at our Staff D meeting....which I sadly missed most of since I was taking a stats exam (and I really wanted to play Nicole's game :-(). I also have exchanged IMs with Bekah and Julia. Aside from that......meh.

I bring up the Staff D meeting though because they played a game in which the RAs on both the Blaisdell/Saunders (best staff :-P) and Babcock/Carr staff answered questions like "what would a guy do that would make him look gay," or "what do women find attractive in a man." I know what I answered and quite frankly I answered mine honestly. Most guys said that curves/breasts/booty were what they thought was attractive in a girl and some of the girls said muscles were attractive in a guy. I agree that these are attractive, but I know attractive girls (who I wouldn't even mind dating) who weren't the most curvacious or buxom girls out there, but they had beautiful eyes and face and that was what attracted me to them. Whether girls feel the same way about guys is unknown.....hey, I'm still single so I guess that answers that question >:-/. Girls of course said they thought that they liked men with a sense of humor too.....hey, I've been told I'm funny (whether looking came afterwards though I don't know)....and I'm still single.

It's amazing really. I don't ask women out anymore....I refuse. Why? I've done it in the past and been shot down each time. So as I've put forth earlier, I want the girl to initiate the conversation or I want to be COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY CONVINCED A GIRL LIKES ME AS WELL before I'll ask them out. Really I don't care. I've also said what I'm attracted to and what I want in a relationship and it's not like I'll look at you if you've got these qualities and say "you're not the one." I really would date someone who fit my criteria (not even all of the points) who asked me unless I have a real major reason for not doing so. Oh well, I hate drama so I'll go on, but for girls out there.....YOU'VE BEEN TOLD BY ME WHAT TO DO TO GUYS LIKE ME!

On the plus side I do have a date for an undisclosed time......well, the date is actually 2 Best Buy gift certificates I won in an Uno tournament and since I don't win anything I've been enjoying it immensely. As for real women I don't have a date.....or since I'm on duty this weekend......a time for a date (unless they wanna come over here for a movie in my room or a board game in the lounge :-/....yeah, that goes over real well with women). I also was stupid today. I went to quantum lecture and I signed up for a textbook for physics that I'm suppossed to review (I guess????). Did I think it would look good for the professor so I don't fail the class? Did I think maybe going over the material from multiple sources would help me learn it better? Did I zone out and the fickle finger of fate directed me towards my physics destiny???? Why can't it do that for relationships....I want the shy one with the pretty smile who makes me smile (hey, that describes my cat....GROSS!).

I also was dissappointed with my evolution lab. I thought we were going to be watching courtship rituals for fruit flies (fruit fly softcore porno baby!) but no, we did computer simulations about Darwin's finches....whooptie shit. Well, I gotta get ready for my discussion.....wish me luck and some energy.

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Get in the Fridge Then!

As much as I hate this whole blogspot to become drama it sure does look like it's going down that path. When I started this blogspot, I was the happiest guy you could find (neglecting the "background depression" of being single....which at the TIME looked like it could disappear soon). Now, I'm one of the more depressed individuals who is simply tired and cynical (for those who know me only as an RA or even as a resident you have absolutely no idea how cynical I can get). People who grew up with me know how I can get. It might be fun as hell to hear me critique everything with a smartass comment, but it hides a true pain that is beyond belief (think of the pain as the nice guy's version of pregnancy and childbirth, but rather than being incredibly painful and lasting for hours, it mounts with each passing day, starting as a slow ache and then becomming a piercing horrifying pain which can last for years to decades).

But what do you do if you feel that you can't find your soulmate? People always say there are other fish in the sea, but what if you're looking for that one? The other fish in the sea approach almost makes it sound like you have a shotgun approach to dating! On the other hand it could mean that finding "her" is like looking for a needle in the haystack, so either way this comment seems to say that you're screwed. Come on! My worst fear aside from some random phobias is getting older and not being able to share my life intimately with a woman (not just sexually, but all of it). Let's face it, there is only so much you can share with your guy friends or even your girl friends and still not be "intimate" with them.

Isn't the very idea of the concept of a man and a woman for them to compliment each other? To become of one flesh and be a whole from two separate parts? To break off from the parents and become a new family unit? Yeah, so even if I am to rely in God I need to think this is his plan for me. But what if I end up being single? What is his plan? These thoughts don't consume my all everyday but they do take up a good portion of it. I mean even going out and seeing a happy couple is another knife to the heart (or for you Bon Jovi fans a "Shot to the Heart").

Now, the rest of this blog is devoted to discussing an interesting phenomenon in women....them not even thinking and knowing what they want. After last night I felt kinda depressed. Let's just say girl A became inaccessible suddenly and girl B I don't think is interested in me at all in a more than a friend way. Even though it was unofficial St. Patrick's here at U of I, I didn't drink myself silly. I went out with my friend Bekah and explained to her the situation with girl A. After hearing the tale, she states that she was "being a dumb bitch." Now I like girl A so I'm thinking "WTF?! Why did you just insult a girl I like?" Well it turns out that she meant it to be a state of mind, not a blanket statement. Being a "dumb bitch" is a state of mind which most women have at least 50% of the time in which they don't know what they want and in which they do stupid relationship things. This might be why the nice guys can't understand what the hell goes through girl's minds (remember, a girl doesn't know what she wants but a woman does). So this I think explains a lot, and kinda screws me over even more. I'm not looking for a sureproof formula for getting to know a girl better, but I'd sooner ask a mutual friend or friends about it and figure it out without making the friendship awkward. Even if it is from a friend I can take rejection as long as the "we can still be friends" doesn't turn into a blanket alienation or lifetime of uncomfortable situations with them.

Well, I'm off to Illinites but I thought I'd share with you why I'm really depressed. So here we have it. I'm (was) pissed because of people's insensitivity and stupidity, I'm stressed because of school and work, and I'm depressed because of women. My RA friend Raj suggested I wait for the right girl to come about rather than search for her myself actively. Another RA, Shannon heard this and said that was the worst advice she had ever heard and I agree. Much as I like Raj, I've got a good 3 years more of life than he does and I did his plan of waiting all throughout college. It's only this last year that I actually developed unplanned crushes. Well, I hope this helps pierce the bubble of my head.

Oh, to see the pics after Unofficial, go here (

The reason this blog is the title it is is due to Michael Melnikoff, who suggested that when girls are doing what Bekah said they do, they should get in the fridge.....if you haven't seen the Fensler Films G.I. Joe, you should come see me then. See ya!


Friday, March 04, 2005

You, You're the Ring Leader!

Whatup! So I'll tell ya what, I've been pissed this whole last week. I'm really getting better now because I've had a few revelations, but maybe I should start at the beginning. As the Geology Club president and an RA I'm in charge of planning various events throughout the year for the members of either the club or my floor. The Geology Club in particular has had bad habbit of truly pissing me off. There was a meeting at the beginning of the semester at which several grad students complained about how there weren's a lot of field trips being done. Our department head graciously asumed and volunteered the club at which point all my officers and I were like, "wow, thanks Steve....ass!" The first program I planned was for the club last semester. It involved an alumnus (who also gave several of us $800 for lodging for field camp last summer) who gives quite a bit of money to the department each semester. Now our department head is shy and timid (sounds familiar....:-/) but I still get the feeling that he never really liked me very much. Anyway, I got ahold of the guy and I really wanted to meet him as well and thank him for his generous donation....aside from my parents I usually get money from non-relatives for things like that. We had the date set and I let all of the students know via email and chalkboard in the undergrad lounge ~ 3/4 of a week in advance (the trip was just a picnic that might last ~4hours on the Saturday). The morning came, and I waited, and I waited, and finally I called the guy and said no one showed up so I would cancel the event (I'm not going to visit the guy on my own, I don't know him at all!). He sounded down and I don't blame him. The next Monday though, I saw Steve and he was mega-pissed at me. Apparently he found out that the guy would pull his funding from the department and so Steve took his family there and made me look like an ass. Well I come to find out that the reason the alum was mad was because he had been promised we would come and visit (for the past 3-4 years!) and each time the same thing happened (so the people in the department obviously just want money and don't give a shit about the guy giving it....way to go U of I geology!).

The excuses for the first event though I thought were pricelessly stupid. 1)There was a game.....way to be a dumbass. 2)You didn't let anyone's called reading the email, not deleting it genius. 3)You didn't let us know well enough in advance....this came from the girl who complained we didn't do enough so I figured I'd start with a may not have been that much in advance, but it was 4 hours on a Saturday....did you have to ask your parents or something? 4)You should have called people......I shouldn't even dignify this with a smartass comment......the people giving me these excuses are older than I am so they either have no responsibility or they think I'm their daddy! Finally though Steve caught on and isn't mad at me for it anymore because (especially after speaking at a club meeting) I think he caught on that no one in the department really cares about the club. The second event was a trip to the Funk Mineral Museum near Funk's Grove, IL (really it sounds stupid but is really awesome, you should go sometime). Well my treasurer and one grad student came and there were no notification excuses this time.

The third event I planned was a "Choosing Your Major" event for all of PAR with Regine, the RA below me. No one showed up to this event at all.....yet the first word's out of a freshman's mouth will be, "I wanna change my major....what should I do?"

The fourth and fifth event are linked. First of all, my Social Chair knew to invite everyone to the hockey games and Legends/Murphy's......strangely geology people would be at these bars when I went out, but no one let me know so I guess I've got my answer about what the department think about me right there.....what in God's name did I ever do to them?! Also, one of the grad students who I really like starts blaming me for not "holding a tighter ship" and making the club work....if it's my officers and I get rid of them I'm screwed....I CAN'T DO A DAMN THING!!! I can't make people care either. So I figure the last home game was against Minnesota so I ought to take over where my social chair failed. The event was planned like 1.5 weeks in advance and was mentioned on the chalkboard in the undergraduate lounge, email, and one of the club meetings. Now you need to understand the geology deparment. Last year we had a cute little British social chair who was awesome and invited everyone out usually every weekend and people came in droves (occassionally close to 2 dozen). This year however, one guy came to the hockey game....not a one went to Legend's. The fifth event was the next morning. One of my Indian residents mentioned a new Indian food restaraunt and I thought I'd invite the floor for lunch there (and the other RAs to bring their floors). Noon came and noon went and not ONE PERSON SHOWED UP!!!! At this point I was absolutely FURIOUS and I went home for Saturday.....ironically my parents were going to someone's house that I got semi-ditched by them. So with that, my impending tests, lack of sleep, and general non-responsiveness of anyone to emails or anything (I haven't gotten a response from geology people about the rock climbing for April 16th, I haven't gotten a response from a grade school friend of mine from Eastern if he knows another guy so I can facebook him, etc.) so I've been really in a rut.

However, some people here sat up and took notice and I appreciated it a lot. Raj was depressed to and so he and I semi-hung out last night before late night. Priscilla noticed WAY in advance that something was up, even when I was lying to myself that I wasn't mad. Libby replied with a what's up. Mike didn't do anything wrong (in fact I feel bad ditching him at dinner last night when I thought someone said that he wasn't coming when he really was). Bekah and Julia both said they felt for me (though both incorrectly assumed this was over a girl.....was I giving that impression???? I usually have a general background depression about being single but that isn't too serious nor was that what this whole thing was about). These people (people not here at U of I get a "you're forgiven") get a free pass. Everyone else though I'm not mad at....I just don't care. I think my problem has been caring about doing things for people that don't care about me. Think about the geology department. I've been in the club for 3 years, and officer for 2, I try to get along with people in the department but everyone save Alex, Dan, Chenders, and Mah (and before this semester Schickle) usually gave me the benefit of the doubt rather than just jumped to the conclusion of whatever gossip they heard.

It's time to celebrate unofficial St. Patrick's Day here at U of I....I think I'll start with studying, nap....maybe go out tonight but we'll see. On another plus side I'm going with CRU to Panama City Beach.....gotta work on getting into my bathing suit. Nah, I think I'll just go as is.....NOT MY BIRTHDAY SUIT.....I wear that in July ;-).

Have a good Friday all.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

I Wanna Play Video Games

Man, exams suck! First I've got my big bad physics final Monday night, then if that wasn't enough, genetics owns me the next morning at 9am! If you're not wincing yet, I've got a stats exam the next night with labs on both Wednesday and Thursday mornings. I know, everyone really knows this and they think I'm getting a little long-winded and whiney.....well they're right. How often do I friggin whine about anything? Complain, yes, but whine?

I feel kinda bad for my friend Bish. He asked a girl out on Monday and she said "maybe" (a.k.a. hell no), and the excuse was that she wasn't going to be here this weekend. Now this may be a singular occasion in which the girl is actually being truthful and she actually won't be here this weekend (although you think "maybe" would indicate that she would be somehow available), but my spidey-sense says otherwise. What is it about "girls" (I reserve the term women for females who actually say yes or no and know what they want) that makes them want to play with guys heads....even if it's subconciously? I remember asking a girl out sophomore year in high school. She was cool, cute, smart, and she was a friend. I figured, "she'd be willing to go out once and get to know me better." Man I was a naieve moron. She said maybe but gave an excuse for the night I suggested. I asked her a second time and she said she had to check her schedule. I STILL fell for it at this point (for those of us who haven't dated saying maybe gets our hopes up :-(). Finally the thrid time I caught on and asked her for a straight yes or no.....the answer should be painfully obvious.

Seriously! What is it about girls (especially friends) that make them not want to even go out with you. The excuses I've heard (or my friends have experienced) range from, "I don't want to hurt the friendship" to "you're not my type." If you're not their type wouldn't they not be your friend then? If they don't want to hurt the friendship how come they act way differently after they learn you like them and the awkwardness lasts for a while (for me on two occasions, one year!) ....THAT KILLS THE FRIENDSHIP LITTLE LADY! If that is the way girls are going to act why don't they just bite the bullet and actually try it?

I only bring up friends who are girls because let's face shy types don't ask out random girls (see my previous post if you have trouble understanding this concept :-/). Also getting to dating a friend, even if it doesn't lead anywhere could also have the possibility of making the friendship better (that option never seems to pop into their heads). I think if they are your friend then they especially should answer with a straight answer. "Hey do you want to go out sometime?" "No." "That's cool. Hey, how did you do on that test...." It isn't that FREAKIN HARD!

Finally for the women/girls reading this who think that any flirting from a guy means they like you, read my previous post. We aren't as shady as you are! Man.....I don't know where this whole rant came from but dang!