I Haven't Laughed This Hard in at Least a Day!

Funny Links of the Day:
Twins
Animal Control in China
LOL!
I don't think the Batman symbol qualifies as a vowel.....
Hilarity!
Alex....I didn't know!

Church Bulletin Bloopers:
·For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
·Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
·Evening massage - 6 p.m.
·The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
·Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
·Don't let worry kill you off - let the church help.
·The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
·Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
·The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
·Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30p.m. Please use the back door.
·Ushers will eat latecomers.
·The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
·During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
·Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
·Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
·Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
·Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
·22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, The Lord Knows Why.
·The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
·Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance. ·The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Reverend and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
·This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
·Tuesday at 4PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
·Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
·Thursday at 5PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
·This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mr. Vassilas to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
·The service will close with "Little Drops Of Water". One of the ladies will start (quietly) and the rest of the congregation will join in.
·Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.
·The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
·A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
·At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?". Come early and listen to our choir practice.
·The 1991 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
·Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
·Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
·Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who is preparing for the girth of their first child.
·The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
·The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: " I Upped My Pledge-Up Yours."

Pax

It's Being Examined by Top Men........TOP, men!

Funny links of the day:
He's Awesome
I always wondered how he got away with that crap!
Not going to be a sport anytime soon.
Saddam=Pavoratti????
I always knew "self-esteem" was just fictitious nonsense!
ummmmm
You know SOMEONE'S getting a visit from your friendly neighborhood FCC secret police!
I actually don't know if this is funny or sad.....how do those monks who live as hermits for years beat the statistic???

APOLOGIA:
Alright. So...I've been getting some complaints as is apparent. Frankly, I don't care. People think I'm nuts because all I write about is religion. If those who actually know me have been paying attention....the introduction to the blog should have clued you in....if not, repeat 1st grade. Am I serious all the time? No. I don't always talk about religion...in fact several of my close friends know we hardly ever talk about it......we talk about baseball and how the Cardinals are hit and miss this year (ahem....Marquis, learn to be consistent........hitters....hit the DAMN BALL!) or how the Cubs are going to break their curse (LOL!). We talk about beer, we talk about women, we talk about the news, we talk about how each other is doing, we talk about movies, we talk about books, we talk about how it's good we're not deadbeats. Seriously, I know the people who are writing the responses are friends, but I'm going to be firm with you....I know you think I'm nuts because you see me as a fanatic....think again.....shit like THIS scares the HELL out of me! You want to know what I really think? I think you all need to have a dose of reality....grow up, and realize that actually taking religion and life seriously does not make one psycho......flying planes into buildings, shooting abortionists, and holding mass brainwashing-esque style groups like that is called psycho....fundamentalist.....you name it. STOP thinking that because you aren't religious or "that" religious that you can sit there and pass judgement and criticism upon a group thinking you understand...because trust me, your generalizing rationalizations about how religion always leads to close-mindedness, bigotedness, and violence is downright hogwash....anyone with half a brain who reads can tell you that the communists in Russia (formerly) and China (currently) have just as much blood on their hands with atheism as do misguided Christians, Muslims, Jews, etc.

To end this little tyrade, this blog was originally intended to vent about women and write about what hit my mind....frankly, I care about eternity and about things that last longer than getting drunk on the weekend....that can be done in person via a phone. Here, this is an example:
Person 1: "Hey dude."
Person 2: "What's up?"
Person 1: "Not much......wanna head to Old Chicago?"
Person 2: "Sweet.....I'll meet you there in half an hour."
Person 1: "see ya."
And the aftermath? Don't write about it unless some wierd shit happened that was interesting....don't write about what the color of your friend's puke was, who he almost got into a fight with (unless it was with Van Dam....and you caused Van Damage!). I guess what I'm saying is....most of the stuff YOU guys write about.....NO ONE will care about in a few years....what I'm writing about has been discussed and debated for centuries....even millenia......what do you talk about? Stuff that's been done by someone or another since the dawn of time....but it hasn't really advanced at all or brought a better life for people has it? Maybe rather than just criticize my writing on religion all the time (and I don't consequently)....just chill out, sit down, and think maybe I'm writing it because I think it really matters a lot. I don't have a significant other to write about, most of my friends have moved away (though I'm making new ones, read below), and I'm just getting into full swing with school. I don't intend my intellectual musings to have any impact on people of no faith....if it did, good, I'm happy I could share with you that we're not all homocidal maniacs that are portrayed. Maybe, just maybe, look at the fact that what I write about is considered a respected intellectual endeavor........this in light of many people (not the people who responded necessarily, but like people on myspace or the internet who generally have no idea how anything works) saying that Christianity is a religion for close-minded idiots when I'm the one using my God given brain to figure out a deeper meaning to the world. Do people who write about REASON really even know what it means? How do you know using reason works? You can't tell me "people cure diseases with reason" because the polytheistic and backwards Romans were doing surgery that we only got back to doing in the middle of this century. Seriously, don't criticize, try understanding. In the end, that's the most human and the best thing to do. If you are offended, I'm sorry, that wasn't my intention, but if you are, THINK about why you're offended......I don't think you'll really care for the answer. And that's all I'm going to say on the subject.

News: The school year has started, and so far Bradley's not half bad! I'm enjoying the 5-6 person class size, and whether my professor is Harvard trained and Stephen J. Gould's first graduate student, or the laid back fish guy who just wants to have fun in the class and lab, I can handle it! So what am I taking?
1. Invertebrate Zoology-Merrill Foster
2. Biology of Fishes-Robert Stephens
3. Paleobiology Readings-Foster
4. Paleobiology Research-Foster
3 and 4 have already been discussed below. I'm looking at comparing reproduction, particularly across different classes to determine if a common thread combines and causes common reproductive habbits. Why do some sharks have a placenta....isn't that a Eutherian trait? Why do some Eutherians seem to have an evolutionary path or pattern that leads from less dependence on the Corpus Luteum for hormones in the higher mammals? Why is the development of a fully functioning placenta relatively quick in some fish species? How did the ancient marine reptiles give birth? Why do no Archosaurs give birth to live young and many many Squamates have?
2. We're dissecting sharks right now in Fish. It's like, the third time I've done it, so it's fun...especially since we don't have to expose every single muscle and vessel....that was a pain in the ass. I'm liking the using razor blades over scalpels....I was a little skeptical when our TA for comparative anatomy, but it's really effective, especially since they're cheap and they're always sharp. Since the integument of most animals is rough, they can dull the blade pretty quickly, so that helps to cut down on costs and replacement time of the scalpel blades. All in all, if I can recognize the organs in the shark (no prob) and the ten cranial nerves (a little tougher :-/), I'll be good.
1. In invertebrate we just took an exam covering protozoa, porifera, cnidaria, and ctenophera. It was hard as there was a lot of memorization in there....but I'll keep the fingers crossed that I did the best in the class and maybe (slim, slim probability) I got a perfect score........and since this professor hasn't given an A in several years in this class....and he's my advisor....I'd like to think I can clean house....at least it would be cool.

New school friends: On Friday, most of us invertebrate kids took a trip to Kellehers and Jimmys to have a few "glasses of fermented drink." It was fun, we talked about all sorts of things.....favorite movies, favorite songs, and my favorite.....I got to tell (or I should say butcher) the "Motely Crue" story of Andy, Matt, and Steve....because one of the guys in the group knows Matt and Steve and never heard the story! We got to see some "fly honnies" (man, I miss Nate-dog! *tear*)......and listen to some good music. Sadly the brew was MGD lite....but it was the thought that counted.

News: We got our dining room done minus curtains and the final table. We have most of the hall upstairs done....and then it's the FAMILY ROOM!!!! Now that room I've been waiting to see since I was 8 will finally be done!!!!!....I hope :-/.

We're getting a new museum on the riverfront.....and a new name for the Lakeview Museum.....and it doesn't involve river??!?!?! WTF???? The names involve "discovery something" and other stupid kiddie names.....yeah, and it is supposed to be semi-affiliated with the Smithsonian. I want to take my classes to the All Fun and No Content Museum......yeah, those museums usually suck content-wise, are expensive, and only attract little rugrats.

Ah well, I better post this and get to bed. I need to go to work tomorrow and earn some dough.....even though I hate Nelson and don''t want to work there :-(.

Pax

R.I.P. Matthew Wilhelm

Matt Wilhelm (1981-2006) is with God now. I was only casually aquainted with him, but I know he touched many peoples lives and showed them what the love and joy of Christ is all about.

Obituary: CHAMPAIGN – Matthew Wilhelm, 25, of Champaign died at 3:30 a.m. today (Sept. 8, 2006) at Carle Foundation Hospital, Urbana.
Funeral arrangements were incomplete at Owens Funeral Home, 101 N. Elm St., C.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?!?!?!?!

Quick note.....this will be inflamitory, it will contain language not suitable for younger audiences, and if you have trouble understanding the big words, a dictionary might help.

But seriously, I'm not here to give a sermon, talk about my love life (or lack thereof), but to rant. I just want some good damn ranting! And not just ranting. Intellectual ranting that actually makes a point and provides solutions. Wait, is that a social commentary then????

Anyway, to business!

1. Tomorrow (September 8th) is the feast of the Nativity of the Blessed Virgin Mary.
2. Mad props to Concordia Publishing House for releasing a new hymnal that not only offers more liturgical options....it adds feast days for the OT saints, and many of the ones after the New Testament!!!! It's about time Missouri (misery) Synod!!!
3. Alright......the adult part. I heard today that there was going to be an ABC docudrama of five hours that is called "The Road to 9/11." It apparently didn't show the Democratic party during Clinton's presidency as very helpful.....not on purpose.....but through incompetence.....in stopping terror, particularly the acts leading to 9/11 which were able to have been stopped. However, President Clinton complained about the movie and wanted it either edited or pulled. Last I checked, the docudrama released right after President Reagan's death didn't portray him in a friendly light (let alone accurately which the ABC movie did), yet it was still shown unedited. Now however, ABC caved in and edited the show. What the hell?! I agree with the callers to Michael Savage (who I don't agree with often at all!) who were from Russia and China and who said this is scary because it mirrors what the communist government did to the media!

You know what happened when Michael Moore shit out Farenheit 9/11 and Bowling for Columbine? My side made rebuttal movies! Similarly, when the Vietnam Veterans who served with John Kerry wanted to give a campaign commercial/special......it was pulled or highly edited.....I can't remember which. Why is it when a movie comes out favoring the Democrats it is highly praised, unedited, and given awards, but when a movie comes out that might make people think Clinton wasn't the Herculean god every liberal and idiotic schoolchild thinks, it is highly criticized, edited, or threatened to be pulled!

Of course this isn't so surprising coming from the same people who think that we have no business in Iraq because Bush lied about WMDs (p.s. he didn't, they did have pre-Gulf War I weapons [one of his own generals admitted to them being shipped to Syria and one of his own scientists before the second Iraq War confirmed that they were pushing for nuclear capabilities]....but that isn't highly talked about), or who think we are detaining military hostages from terror groups illegitimately. Christ, these people in one breath call Bush an evil nazi similar to Hitler at the worst and a stupid, dangerous idiot at best and then sit there with their thumb up their butt and ponder whether evil really exists! If you want to defend the terrorists so damn much move to fucking Sudan, Afghanistan, Iran, or Saudi Arabia....especially you women, and see how nice they are.....yeah, see how much you'll be BEGGING to come back to the "evil imperialist" United States. Nothing angers me more than to see people in this country spout freedom of speech while holding up the flag which continues to their ass and further to their feet which they are trodding upon it with. You have a right to be a dumb stupid idiot who takes their rights for granted......just be prepared to deal with people like me who have the right to be pissed at you for being the dumb stupid idiot who takes their rights for granted.

4. Harvard is going to have the former president of Iran speak at an assembly.......the day before the fifth anniversary of 9/11. Wow, someone wins the sensitive PC but not really because I'm a hypocritical ass award. I shouldn't be surprised. I saw this on Hannity and Colmes on Fox yet they never talked about how that one Black Panther chick came to speak at U of I (Allen Hall), or the Latin King (the rapper who had the two black teardrops next to his eyes.....that means he killed two people in prison......just letting you know that if you couldn't figure it out.....oh, and the Latin Kings is a gang.....a bad one) who spoke at our Student Union, or the former top ten ecoterrorist who just got off the list and was presumed dead like, a week before (Allen Hall).....how did they work THAT one out??? When one moderate scholar came to speak (Daniel Pipes at Foelinger Auditorium), you'd think Satan himself were coming there was so much outrage in the Palestinian groups that Dr. Pipes has said on his website that University of Illinois is the worst school he had ever been to. Yep, my alma mater was caring for terrorists WAAAAAY before Harvard.....I guess we had to be top in something besides ugly drunk frat chicks.

5. The National Center for Science Education (NCSE) has long been a non-partisan, non-religious group made up of men and women of faith and non-faith to defend the teaching of evolution in the schools.......or so they claim. However, even a cursorial reading of their literature and a perusal of their staff show that several things are obvious:
A (I'm already numbering this....so letters will do). Their speakers are all atheists, Jewish, or Episcopals (and not the ones the Anglican Church will most likely keep in fellowship pending their next huge meeting....yes, it sounds like the 3rd world countries who are Angilcan are mad that the Archbishop of Canterbury hasn't done anything about the female clerics, homosexual clerics, etc. that the Episcopal Church is doing.....so at the next meeting, Episcopal and Anglican might not mean the same thing in different parts of the world). So let me get this straight.....I get to hear about how evolution is right over Scripture from an athiest, a Jew, or an Episcopal in my congregation???? Sweet! I'm sure that most of my Synod will be debating them like crazy and since we don't allow women to read the Gospel or give a sermon in the Sanctuary for Scriptural and theological (Christological reasons), it will be down to the Episcopal who doesn't know his doctrine to lead us into the light!
B. They don't claim to be right or left, yet their members all seem to have no problem having a headline that praises "The Republican War on Science."
C. They had no headline for Steve Irwin who defended evolution education....oh wait, he wasn't a "real scientists" and he got along well with President Bush.......that's not allowed.
D. The Roman Catholics they have, like Dr. Kenneth Miller similarly doesn't seem to understand even the spirit of the late Pope John Paul II's comments concerning evolution needing to be guided by God......Miller seems to think that God set up the laws and He can manage to work within those laws (a very old philosophy).....however, he forgets that the Christian God is an active God who operates above nature several times because we are within nature and He needs to tell us several things (including that we are dumbasses).
E. I guess the very name including science would mean they can help me with improving chemistry education in my state.....oh no.....you only focus on evolution......that's kinda singleminded......oh, and you vehemently attack not just creationism (which shouldn't be taught in public schools) but also Intelligent Design (which has possibilities of being taught.....and the only people who think this is a new version of YEC need to actually read a book from the people they are debating.....because ID is not a new YEC.....AT ALL!!!) and even evidences against evolution. Are you telling me that I couldn't say that there is considerable problem with several taxa of animals because they can't be easily fit into the evolutionary scheme? You mean to tell me that Aphredoderus sayanus has a urogenital opening in the neck region literally right behind the gills (on the anterior portion of the body) and this presents a problem because we have no idea how this evolved? Or I can't tell them that a problem with evolution is that it has little ability beside running to "preadaptation" and "luck" to account for the accompanied origins of complex structures and their behaviors? Or I can't tell them that it's really strange that we have whale fossils at the tops of the highest mountains on earth....meaning that they had to evolve before that mountian was thrust up? Or I can't point out that it looks pretty fucking odd on animations of the Indian subcontinent literally shooting up from Antarctica to slam into Asia in the Cenozoic (really, look for scotese paleomap project on google....it's amazing how it looks like it doesn't work) and that what might account for it is that our dating methods and stratigraphy may not be completely correct? Or I can't tell them that the Coelocanth was fossilzed before 400 million years ago.....and we thought it was extinct until we found it now (1930s) STILL ALIVE (that's a HUGE fossil gap!)!!! Or I can't tell them that we've found dinosaur red blood cells that were unfossilized and not heavily damaged (how they survived over 4000 years let alone 65 million is amazing)? Or I can't tell them that how the giraffe got a long neck might be explained by runaway sexual selection but the presence of a secondary pump in the neck to get the blood to the brain and the giraffe's ability to sleep only ~4 min. and be rested is a complete mystery which no mechanism of natural selection has yet to help solve? Why not? These are all very intriguing and important random facts that show that evolution might not be right. How about the presence of complex eyes in trilobites, box jellyfish, and ammonoids (or the current living nautilus)?

If you want to even begin to accept the creation account as legitimate you want me to explain every little fucking detail, but you're fine with retreating to "convergent evolution" to explain the independent origin of analogous structures for flight.......not once, not twice, but at least thrice!!! I'm sick of hearing "it's not hard to imagine that this moved here and that moved there and that became that and that started working in this regard" and so on.....because yes....it is hard to imagine that.

You claim that science doesn't retreat to the supernatural, and I agree. But to deny the possibility of the supernatural to affect the natural seems impossible for you, and that's sad because the possibility is pretty high considering all the stories that have been circulating since man was young. Try this....all you armchair skeptics out there that want "proof" (in whatever sense proof really means in science to your little minds), go to the Holy Sepulchre (tomb of Christ) on Holy Saturday of the Orthodox Calender, and observe how a fire will come down from the sky, light candles of those present, and the fire will not burn....even when you touch your skin, for an hour or two. This has video and photo evidence, and even the government wanted it investigated......and they witnessed it. Or perhaps we can take a note from G.K. Chesterton when he admonished those who would listen to the little old lady down the street about anything, but who thought she was crazy as soon as she tells them she saw a ghost.

That's all I have time for now......goodnight and God bless!

R.I.P. Steve Irwin

I'm kind of sad by this.....I always knew he'd die in the line of duty, but I never thought it'd be from a stingray, especially not by the 1-in-a million chance that happened. It sounds like the barb from the animal (which is located near the base of the tail) was extended and thrust towards Irwin because he had accidentally boxed it in. The barb (which is sharp and hard and has potential toxin) pierced his aorta through his rib cage (or under it).

I don't know about his religious persuasions, but I will say that this popularizer of science will be missed, particularly among zoologists who are becomming few and far between. I may have disagreed with his stance on evolution, I may have disagreed with his more Green policies, but I always enjoyed watching his show (even if he did some pretty stupid things).

I can only hope he knew Christ before he died. Steve Irwin will be missed.

Let's Talk About Comparative Reproduction Baby, It's All About Comparative Reproduction Baby.

Yes, if you're reading the title you might be wondering......"what is going on here?" Well, since I'm a new masters student now, I need to be focusing most of my effort on biology and paleontology. Sadly I will be forced to neglect some theological reading, but in the long run, I'll still learn some and be able to disucss it.

If anything, now Lutherans who read this (and anyone else for that matter) can get an inside look into how a scientist works and thinks (even though I reject evolution, I use it in my research, so this is the disclaimer). My thesis will be focusing on (as the title might have pointed out) comparative reproductive systems in animals. You might think, "who cares?" Well, it becomes fascinating when you look at animal groups and wonder why there are so many darn exceptions to all those rules you learned in introductory biology class.

Let's look at it this way: Of the vertebrates, you're always told in high school or college that there are five groups:
1. Mammals-Give birth to live young, except monotremes which lay eggs (termed ovaparous).
2. Birds (Aves)-Lay eggs outside of water
3. Reptiles-Lay eggs outside of water
4. Amphibians-Lay eggs in the water
5. Fish-Lay eggs in the water

Now, for the exceptions: You alread know about the monotremes in mammals, but what about the others? As far as we know, no bird (or dinosaur for that matter) gave birth to live young (termed viviparous). However, squamate reptiles (such as the skink) do give birth to live young, and the character seems to jump around within the different species as one examines their phylogeny (evolutionary history). Similarly, there is a famous Icthyosaur fossil which died during a breached birth, and it is thought (though not completely agreed upon) that plesiosaurs and mosasaurs were viviparous as well because of their inability to come up on land or to descend without oxygen to the depths of the ocean. It is interesting that these ancient marine reptiles were also squamates. There are also snakes which have live young inside of them (see Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom's famous dinnertable scene if you don't think it's true....cause that's a measure of truth :-/). Finally, sharks lay eggs......or have a yolk in them and give birth to live young after they've developed in that egg (termed ovaviviparity)......or they give birth to live young....complete with a placental structure.

My question is........of the vertebrates (and my advisor hinted that this could be applied to invertebrates.......God help me with the work that's going to be :-(), can a pattern be seen as to why there is sporadic jumping of the character trait of viviparity in these animals? Surely a minor pattern already can be seen: of Reptiles-no archosaurs have viviparity, many squamates do. Some have hypothesized that cold climates contribute to this character.....I would add marine environments for obligate air breathers (such as many of the ancient marine reptiles). Aside from patterns, what tissues do the placenta come from in these different animals......are they the same? How about the umbilical cord and the nutrients it exchanges? Are they the same (or roughly the same) and is the mechanism the same? As you can see, I have a lot of work to do, including dissection and photographing or sketching of vertebrates to see for myself the internal anatomy of many animals (including marsupials and reptiles).

It should prove to be a fun and exciting project, with possible PhD results (if I pursue the ancient marine reptiles) in the future.......yay beer!