Mother Hubbard's Cupboard

A look into the mind of one of the most random, crazy people in all the land.

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Location: East Peoria, Illinois, United States

A Lutheran seminarian eagerly awaiting the return of Our Lord. Soli Deo Gloria!

Sunday, May 08, 2005


So I think I pissed Nicole off for saying that all guys and all girls are stupid and hence, everyone is stupid. Now of course that isn't true, it was a blanket statement made in the heat of passion....of course that doesn't excuse me saying it. I guess I'm just kinda upset that my friends are going through so many drama changes and the semester is getting to be over and well, I'm kinda scared you know? I mean, Bekah's graduating and won't be here (probably) next year, Alex is getting his PhD and going elsewhere, the paleo lab won't exist for paleontologists anymore, and let's face it, I'm turning 23 this summer and I'm still single. And it wouldn't be so bad if I were JUST single, but when I talked to Jason Sweat one night and I told him, "I haven't dated PERIOD," his eyes went wide and he just told me I need to get out more and that does suck.......OUCH! I have a strange feeling I'll be the guy who ends up living in his parents' basement working and being single (if my parents live that long :-() till I'm 46, then I'll be the crotchety old guy who makes all the little kids cry.

Oh well, I guess God has a plan for me and it isn't up for me to place terms on it......I just kinda hoped it would have at least some semblance of what I thought it would be. Instead all I'm getting is pain and suffering with a little paradise with friends. But I don't know, it seems even people who weren't worried about getting a relationship in our six man condo for Panama City Beach this Spring Break have significant others now (Jeremy-he was worried but I think he finally found good luck, and good for him, Bish, Jake, and Jason Marx), that leaves Jeff and myself. I don't know, I think I might be able to break this dreary dungeon that God saw fit to open my eyes to this year and it just seems to slam the door in my face and say parole isn't granted. I had literally no feelings towards anyone till this school year and I was happy with that cause I wasn't in a hurry necessarily for a wife, I thought I had plenty of time to figure that stuff out. But I got a wakeup call and it was from both my brain thinking about getting older since most of the people I hang around with are at least a year younger than me, and my feelings which suddenly went into overdrive like it was on vacation and just decided to make up for lost time.

Maybe I'll never figure out His plan till I die, and maybe that plan will never involve me having someone loving me back like I love them, but until I do find out I won't give up, but I won't put it first. I can't let my entire life be ruled by the thought of being alone, or else it will consume me. I've got to look past the head games girls play and the shady stuff guys do. I've just got to understand that God gives and God takes away, and perhaps I do have a soulmate out there.....I've just got to have patience.

Oh, one last thing. I got my senior thesis done finally and you can read it on my AIM profile......if you're into bondage and pain.......ow.


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