Mother Hubbard's Cupboard

A look into the mind of one of the most random, crazy people in all the land.

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Location: East Peoria, Illinois, United States

A Lutheran seminarian eagerly awaiting the return of Our Lord. Soli Deo Gloria!

Monday, August 29, 2005

I Don't Need No Instructions to Know How to Rock!

Well, I haven't been posting as loyally as I'd have liked to. Maybe I'm too busy. Maybe I just don't care about much anymore. When you have a craving or a desire that you can't explain, you look for anyway to satiate it don't you? You raid the fridge if you're hungry or run out for a late night IHOP run. But what if you are unable to satiate the hunger? What if you can't fill the void? In the case of hunger, you eventually perish. My hunger isn't food and the idea of physically perishing is absurd for the case, but a similar situation exists. It isn't a shock to the two people who probably read the garbage coming from my mouth that I'm a lonely guy. I know there's a void there given to me by God to want a companion.....ahem, female human (no cat jokes). Without it I feel like I'm emotionally going to wither and just not care anymore...I might already be there, who knows?

I've been doing a lot of thinking on the subject recently and last Friday I became furious, depressed, and that mixed with tiredness made that night a living Hell. I'll be quite honest and to the point, for one of the few times in my life I wanted to get drunk and get out of the university atmosphere to just forget what I'm missing. Julia asked me if I thought that would really make me feel better, and I told her I knew it wouldn't but it would dull the pain until it passed for now. Of course I think it was in God's plan to have me go through that suffering because try as I might time and again I only managed to drink four beers all night (and we were to start at like 7pm). First, we were waiting to pregame somewhere, then I lacked a bottle opener to open He'Brew (the Chosen Beer), and finally most of the bars we went to people under 21 couldn't get in (sorry Julia). I still enjoyed the night because I started talking, laughing, and not being so much of a silent dick by the end of the night. But I came to a conclusion that night....I'm asexual. Not in the way that I'm not attracted to women (and obviously I'm not attracted to men), but I saw them as stupid individuals....and all the girls with me AGREED with my problems!

They realized that it isn't right that the "nice guy" be the guy who gets continuously hosed and the assholes somehow end up dating the nicest girls around (at least they appear that way). I can't tell you how many friends of mine are girls who I might have wanted to date but the subject of staying friends came up as a reson NOT to date which is completely bogus! If the feelings are there awkwardness will happen and I've been in friendships that have suffered simply because the feelings were there for at least one person and they were denied. By using that excuse you have hurt the friendship. Besides, what's the other option? Date random guys you meet? Date guys who you hate and bitch to your nice single guy friends that there are no good guys around when they are sitting right there. That's a knife wound in the heart that keeps getting twisted. Sure girls can have the nice ladder and the friend ladder (using the ladder theory idea) but surely the distance between the two shouldn't be so far. Why can't your best friend who's a guy be your best friend through life (that is what marriage is!).

And to the asshole guys out there I'm not done yet. You bastards threaten women, beat them, curse at them, make them do all the work, expect to be served by them, make them feel like shit and all you can do is use them till another "piece of ass" comes around to please your idiotic sexual urges (or any of them, not just all :-)). You make me F*CKING SICK! The nice guys are chivalrous and decent and admit that they have flaws but the flaws are what make them human....not like you. Your flaws make you animals at best and monsters at worst. I'm done with the whole dating thing. If a girl wants a nice guy I'm here and I have other friends who are here to. If you want an asshole...Kam's is on Sixth and Daniel....have a nice night.

If you don't think any of this is true or you have a problem with it ask your nice guy friends sometime and they will without a doubt agree. It's true and you can read it in the sad looks of them if you look hard enough.

Thanks to Krystal for this (somewhat long but worth the read):
Ode to the nice girl-
This is a tribute to the nice girls. These are the girls
who are safe. The girls whom guys who have girlfriends are
allowed to hang out with because they’re not viewed as a
threat. These are the girls who dress respectably . . .
they don’t go and get “skank clothes” and parade themselves
around, catching the attention of every drooling,
testosterone-filled boy on earth. These are the girls who
are okay with going to chick-fil-a on a date, hanging out,
watching a movie, playing a game, or doing some other low-
cost, high-fun form of entertainment. Because after all,
it’s really about the quality time that they spend with the guy
and not the amount of money that is flowing from his
pockets in order to please her every whim and desire (or so he
thinks) during the date.

This is in honor of the girls who take the time to ask
their guy friends “how’s life?” and to listen carefully when the
answer is given. The girls who go out of their way to make
cookies or cheer up male friends in distress. Yeah, we
know “men are from Mars” and “women are from Venus,” but a
simple “thank you” is pretty darn universal.

This goes out to the girls who must sit complacently while
their guy friends discuss the “hotness” of the girl at the
next table over. They watch as these guys date or lust over
each and every self-centered, trashy, insecure,
flirtatious,and flighty girl they come into contact with.
When asked, most guys say they would like to date a nice
girl. However, when faced with such an opportunity, they
claim that “I love her . . .like a little sister” or “there
are no such things as nice girls. They’re all evil.” These
guys continue to complain about how all girls
are “manipulative” and “gossipy” and wonder why in the
world they all go to the bathroom at the same time.

But, we must confess, there are guys out there who realize
the value of their nice friends who are girls. These are
the guys who should be praised for their willingness to go with
the flow, hang out, and chill. These guys, however, fail to
consider these nice girls as anything more than friends or
to step up to the plate and consider them for a Saturday night
date or the upcoming dance even though they possess all the
qualities that guys claim they are looking for. But, a note
to the nice girls. Eventually all guys will (or at least
should) realize that they don’t want to have a relationship
with a girl who wants all of their money and who will only
date them until a guy who is better or more enhancing for
her social status comes along. So, until those guys realize
what is right in front of them, a word of encouragement to the
nice girls. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of
being treated like a doormat. In all honesty, you are
valuable. Clearly, you possess qualities that cause your
guy friends to want to hang out with you. The world needs your
encouragement, your willingness to take part in spontaneous
activities, your ability to continue to enjoy life even
though you watch as countless nasty, malicious female
sirens blind the nice guys with their alluring ways. For all of
the random, frustrating, and seemingly non-sensical things you
tolerate, don’t lose hope. Nice guys do exist and will
someday realize that nice girls, who are not evil, exist as
well. Fear not, your day will come. And perhaps your prince
will too.

Ode to the nice Guy:
This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that
finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure
hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while
disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys
who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain
themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open
doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently
outside the changing room at department stores. This is in
honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how
cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at
the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need
that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with
open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern.
This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every
facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered
female friends back from parties and never take advantage
once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls
to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male
population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for
compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who
always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters,
for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but
somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice
guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for
all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly
abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your
cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three
hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend
said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her
boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it
was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that
time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever
orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that
romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive
person in the world. And even though you thought it was
immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused
the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor
to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she
didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was
nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you
to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she
flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of
reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just
friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a
symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because
you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due.
And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get
laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically
explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on
campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other
schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can
form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative
bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but
when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational,
confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he
would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he
already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him
out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin
our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of
datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date
male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are
jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability
to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down
between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do
(I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one
thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last
phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many
girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize
they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for
granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier,
finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all
the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of
hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the
truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in
the department store, your holding open of doors, your party
escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a
pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you
tolerate, for all the situations where you are the
faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my
gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this
>society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey Heren,

You are right, I hear girls all the time say how there's no good guys left (I used to be one of them). But for three years I've been dating my guy, a true "nice guy", and I wouldn't give him up for anything. And it seems to me that despite the daily stress I put him through, he doesn't want to get rid of me either. I know it sounds corny, but just give it a little more time. Don't go looking for love--when you give up is when you will find her. Trust me.


4:33 PM  

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